I’ve had so many ask me what I hope to get out of this trip.  When is it done? What are you doing? Hw does it work?

I truly believe that the universe will provide us with answers if we ask it the questions.  I once heard a quote that said something along the lines of “It’s about asking the universe for what you want and then letting go of how it comes to pass”  

Letting go of how it comes to pass.

We put so much emphasis on how something is supposed to look- relationships, work, apartments, fuck we have expectations we’ve created in our minds for everything.

Then we get upset when it doesn’t look exactly like that. 

We get frustrated, pick a fight, feel let down- at something that was’t even real.

Something we made up.  

How could my partner have known I wanted to eat out instead of heating up leftovers- I never communicated that. I never told him what I wanted, I just assumed it would look the way I wanted it to and then got pissed when it didn’t.

The thing I’ve been struggling with most though is the question.  I want to ask the universe something, it’s nagging at me like a hang nail, a gentle unease, knowing something is left undone.

I feel like a buoy. Drifting. Bumping into things at random and hoping it will work out. This feeling of drift, has been nagging at me for some time now. I stay busy to forget, then it’s there. Waiting for me at night like a heart ache.

I don’t know what to do about it. That’s the truth.

I don’t know

I’ve asked people about it. Sought advice, gone to mentors, friends, and they keep saying that maybe the quest is looking for the question. 

The quest is looking for the question.

I’m not even sure what that means. 

All I know is that I’m on this journey to explore, to wonder, to feel, to learn, to share- but I don’t know where it adds up. Where the rubber meets the road (other than literally).

So there it is. My musings, my ramblings, as unclear on paper as it is in my head.  I was hoping that writing it out would help me, create a guideline for the quest. 

Sometimes this life isn’t clear. It is never easy. But at least I’m asking the questions. Asking the questions about the question - this is becoming very meta.